Life & Style
A Hallmark Movie Christmas
I recently saw in the news that a Hallmark Channel movie was filmed in my area. I might actually watch it so I can point at the TV and shout “I know where that is!” I’m not a Hallmark movie watcher. I like the old classic Christmas movies, such as It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street (the original one), and the various versions of A Christmas Carol. I can never get enough of old Scrooge and his three ghost pals.
Still, when this time of year comes around, you almost can’t escape Hallmark movies. So, I’ve seen enough to know the basics. What would I need to have my own Hallmark Movie Christmas? Well, here’s a list for Ed Asner as Santa Claus to check off:
A Conflict: What’s a good movie without some sort of conflict? If there’s no conflict there’s no story. The conflict can entail any number of things. There could be a treasured local place that’s going to be torn down on Christmas Eve unless enough money is raised to save it. There could be a mix up. Said mix up would need to involve me, a Love Interest (see below), and a happy resolution of the mix up before the end credits. Or I could suddenly inherit a bed and breakfast inn, located at the edge of a picturesque small town. I’ll need to struggle in an endearingly inept and comic way to run it until I figure out how to run it without running it into the ground.
A Love Interest: Okay this one’s tough. I have no specifics here. But that’s okay, that’s the Hallmark movie writer’s department, not mine. I’m just responsible for this article.
A Dog: All I do know about the Love Interest is that he must have a dog. An adorable, sweet-faced dog that causes us to meet in an adorable way. That’s all I got, folks.
A Sassy Friend: I’m covered here, believe me. I have a lot of sassy, funny friends. My friends in general are much funnier than I am, which can be really disconcerting. I’m the writer of the group, so I’m supposed to be the funny one. But instead of tossing out witty bon mots like Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin Round Table, I’m often sitting back and listening to my very-funny friends riff on everything from town gossip to politics to well, Hallmark Channel movies. They’re better at it than I am. I’ll have to have my friends pick from a hat to see which one gets to be the designated Hallmark Movie Sassy Friend. Or I can have a sort-of Sassy Greek Chorus that instructs me. In whatever way it all rolls out, someone has to say to me at some point, “Girl! Why are you holding back? It’s Christmas! Get your gorgeous self out there!”
Lots of Snow: Let’s face it, in these parts we get more snow the week of St. Patrick’s Day than the week of Christmas. A couple of years ago it was near 70 degrees on The Big Day and my family ended up having a Christmas cookout rather than a turkey dinner. I’m not complaining about that, but if we’re gonna get this thing right Snow Miser needs to step up. Oops. That’s a different channel, not Hallmark Channel. Can there be a crossover? Just this once for my Very Special Hallmark Movie Christmas?
A Ball Gown: At the end of my Very Special Hallmark Movie Christmas, I get to wear a gorgeous ball gown. Everyone else gets this. I want it, too, and it just simply needs to happen. I don’t care why.
So, there you have it. That’s my Very Special Hallmark Movie Christmas List.
In reality, I’ll be over here with my spiked egg nog, watching Alastair Sim as Scrooge. That’s not so bad. Still, it would be nice to watch with my entire group of sassy friends in a charming B&B that I inherit out of the blue after I’ve saved a treasured local place from being demolished on Christmas Eve. One can dream, can’t one?
Juliana Gribbins is a writer who believes that absurdity is the spice of life. Her book Date Expectations is winner of the 2017 Independent Press Awards, Humor Category and winner of the 2016 IPPY silver medal for humor. Write to her at email@example.com. Read more of her columns at www.zip06.com/shorelineliving.
Juliana Gribbins is the Columnist for Zip06. Email Juliana at .